Emerging

We are still alive, I promise! Actually we are doing well. We have settled into a routine which has made wrangling two kiddos seem do-able. I have been back at work for well over a month and I apologize for my absence on the blog. To be honest I haven't even been so swamped as to use the excuse of being busy, I just haven't felt like I had a lot of interesting things to say. Both boys are doing well and Declan is finally accepting the existence of his little brother. He tried to hug him over the weekend which was adorable and amazing. I think what I am struggling with these days is dealing with how much of myself I am giving away while not really giving anything to myself. I love those boys so much it almost makes me ache and I find myself torn between feeling like I need to absorb every moment possible and forget about myself and then longing for a time when they are a bit more self-sufficient so I can actually have some time to myself. It is tough but these times will be gone in the blink of an eye and I know I will miss them when they are.

My coworker told me I looked really pretty today. I appreciated the compliment considering what I see are dry, ragged fingernails clipped short, 10 extra pounds and a still slightly "outtie" belly button and hair that is shedding so fiercely that my hairline has receded and my regular ponytail holders slide out a lot more easily than before. What I feel is much more important though and that is a heart about to burst when I look at the photos of their little faces posted around my desk.

I will try not to stay gone so long if I can and I again, apologize for my absence.